cara1980

Its been 2 years and my weight has steadily gone up. During this time I have had a hysterectomy, quit smoking, seperated from my husband, got laid off, started school and purchased a tanning salon. I started setting one goal at a time to achieve and thus far I am doing great. It has been a year since I stopped smoking, 15 months since my husband and I seperated (Very toxic relationship) and I am making all A’s in school. I turn 30 in April and decided I was not going to turn 30 fat! I started at the gym last Friday weighing 263, Here we go!

I had the date wrong on the 1st diet post it was supposed to be the 13th instead of the 14th and Im lazy so Im just going to change the days.

I went to spartanburg to visit my son which is 160 miles away. I took an adipex before I left to give me energy for the day. I drank 3 20 oz bottles of water on the way up. I think I did farely well although I could have taken my water in the theatre with me so I wouldnt drink that large coke. Jason had a ton of candies and I counted out a 1/2 serving of reeses pieces (25) and shared in the fun of eating them with him. Thats all I ate up there, My ex husband said we could go to dinner but I thought it may be a bit too weird so I told them I wasnt hungry, instead while they ate hot dogs Jason and I played air hockey. It was a pretty good day, now I just wish I could stop having feelings for my ex husband!

Coffee 40/0

Creamer 100/0

reeses pieces 125/5

coke 600/0 guesstimation

apple 80/0

Total 945 calories and 5 grams of fat.

4 egg whites 80/0

turkey bacon 100/6

animal cookies 190/4.5

fruit cup 70/0

fish meal 174/5

baked beans 55/.5

pudding 208/0

marshmallow creme 400/0

total 1277 calories 15 g of fat

I didnt count the 1 hershey kiss I had or the 1 caramel chew but unfortunately I had to count the marshmallow creme. It had 40 calories in 2 tsb, I guesstimated since I just put the spoon in the jar 3 times! That must be why Im up 1 lb from yesterday.

Hey everyone,

Sory its been so long since I have been here but there has been so much going on. I had a car accident 11-8-07 and a hysterectomy 12-21-07. Im now 3 weeks post op. I went into the surgery weighing 215 and gained to 223 again. Yesterday I went to the Kmary new you registration where the grand prize is $10,000, so now Im motivated. I weighed in at 220 and today weigh 216.  I actually counted calories last night and wrote everything down I ate!!! Angie was so proud of me. Its still going to be a few weeks before I can start exercising again, but Im pretty active to be only 3 weeks post op, but when I feel pain I stop everything (already learned the hard way).  The Dr was able to take 5 inches of skin from my lower tummy so now I think I can actually have a flat stomach. So Im back and need all the support I can get and Im going to try to be as much of help to others.

I have no idea what the heck is going on with me lately! I’m so unhappy! This is supposed to be a time of year where everything is wonderful but its not. This time last year life was great, I was what I call thin, I was happy, things were great, this year Im fat, unhappy and depressed. The sz 12’s are long gone replaced with 16’s in some cases 18’s. I hate it but yet Im still reaching for the fal laden foods in an effort to make myself feel better. I know this has been a very difficult year for me with my sister living with us and losing my uncle but I dont know why im not motivated any more. My friend Angie has lost 70lbs and she keeps trying to motivate me and I blow her off because she didnt want to lose last year with me so why is she trying to make me lose with her. I hate being fat but I hate being thin. I dont hate the fact that Im thin but I hate the extra attention I get that then causes problems with Lee. I dont want to have to constantly reassure him or deal with crude comments from him regarding my whereabouts. It seems like if Im fat then every thing is fine but if I lose weight and another guy checks me out its a problem. Im so unhappy!!! Last night I took Leah to the augusta commons for the tree lighting ceremony and started crying several times because everyone seemed so happy except me! Maybe alot of it has to do with my surgery next week. I know thats going to be more stress on me b/c I cant get up and do anything and Im pretty sure my home care will be nothing to talk about after comparing it to when Ive been sick. I’m constantly doing thinks for everyone else but not for me! Lee does his hunting/fishing/etc things all the time and I have leah. He claims thats his time and when I ask what about my time nothing is said. I love leah with all my heart but sometimes I need some time alone. I guess all these dr appts I have now from this last car accident is considered my time but all the accident did was cause me to have to rush more and waste more of my time. I just dont know what to do! I wish I could just disappear from everyone and come back when I was ready but I wouldnt do that to Leah and if I take her with me it would be considered kidnapping. For some reason I was born into this life, God must think i can handle it but Im very sick of handling it. Im tired and Im tired of being tired. Everyone just wants to take and take and not want to give anythign back. Or if they do decide to help out then I never hear the end of it and it makes me wish I had never let them do anythign to begin with.  

Just to let yall know that I’m giving up for awhile. I dont see the reason that I should keep spending $100 a month when Im not losing anything. I dont know why last year was so easy and this year Im struggling. I have spen $350 to lose 15 lbs. Thats crazy! So until further notice Im on hiatus from dieting. Thanks for the support yall have given.

Well I smoked some over the weekend (friday and saturday) so now Im back on day 2 of no smoking. Im still 207 which means I didnt meet my goal again this week. I did go to the gym and work out today and did another lap around the court with walking lunges. I do feel myself getting stronger with the weights but I’m not having the results. Maybe I should take my measurements and see how that changes.

 I do have a problem though-what do you do if your married and attracted to someone???? There is a guy at church that I think is HOT and he is one of those wonderfully nice would do anything for you type of man. Where the hell was he 3 years ago?????  So I’m uncomfortable being around him b/c I am married but he make me think how different life would be if I was with a guy like him. Im pretty sure Im not his type to begin with but it doesnt hurt to daydream , or does it?? By accident I sat next to his parents at church (I didnt even know they were his parents until he was all of a sudden literally in my face saying Hi as he walked by) I felt very stupid moving my items off the chair thinking he was going to sit by me when there were other chairs empty on the other side of his parents (I didnt know that though) I decided to drop out of a role Im in at church to put some distance between me and him, now he hasnt ever done anything to show anything other than strictly platonic friendship so I’m pretty sure its all me and Im just building a big thing up in my head for no reason, but I just dont know what to do. I get all giddy and act stupid when Im around him. I dont mean to act stupid and normally Im very funny but I get around him and my tongue gets tied.

 Maybe he can be my motivation to get skinny! Bad Cara, dont think that……..

I ate the entire bag of nestles tollhouse chocolate morsels. Thank God there is now more sweets in teh house!

Everyone,

I wanted to say I’m sorry for not being a good buddy this week. I am swamped at work and really dont have time to leave booster notes or read blogs. I’ll try to do better next week.

 Day 4

Still havent smoked. Yesterday I really wanted one and seriously contemplated have a cig but then I thought about how if I had one I would have to start all over again. TOM is here and yesterday I felt crappy. Ended up eating more than I should have but again I felt like CRAP! Today I just feel so tired and I just want to go home to sleep but I dont have time to do that. When I get off work I have to go back to the Chiropractor, p/u DD, get her meds from the pharmacy then come home cook dinner and straighten house, not to mention DH’s BD is tomorrow and I need to do something for that. When does it end????? Tomorrow is a huge day so I probably wont be on at all-I’ll be at work until 11am then I go to the dentist at 12, ENT at 3 for cat scan of my sinuses then I’ll see the Dr, we were given 2 tickets to a steak fundraiser dinner from 5:30 - 7 and bible study is at 7pm. Where the heck is saturday?????

Last night we had to take DD to the after hours clinic. We didnt get done until 8pm so we went to eat at TGI Fridays since I had a gift certificate. DH ordered a full rack or ribs, fried shrimp and fries. DD got finger nails (chicken fingers) and french fries. I had the key rest lime shrimp on the waitresses recommendation. She said it was just shrimp and broccoli, well thats exactly what it was except the broccoli had some kind of lime sauce on it that was very strong and the shrimp had cajun seasoning. I went through 4 glasses of tea before I took my napkins and wiped off the seasoning. DH ordered a large slice of oreo cake and I had 2 small bites of it. I also had 1/2 a chicken finger and a few fries b/c the fries were helping cut the seasoning down.

Im so proud of myself, we went out and I didnt go overboard!

I was really wanting a smoke yesterday but that went away when I had to deal with DD and the clinic. But DH smoked on the way there and I told him we needed to talk. I told him that we had talked before about smoking in the car (windows are down) with DD in there and we needed to go back to that and since Im trying to stop smoking I dont need him to be doing it around me. Him and his smart ass self told me “well I thought you said smoking wasnt a big deal to you and you could take it or leave it” I wanted to smack him.  I got ticked off at him b/c after we ate he had to smoke, he couldnt wait until we got home so me and DD had to sit in the car and wait for him to be done. That is one thing that aggverates me about him is how when he wants to smoke everything in the world has to stop while he does it. I find it embrassing when we are around someone I respect or at church, as soon as we are out the door he lights up even though its only be an hour.